Firstly I need to apologize to whoever reads my blog. I know there are many typos and grammatical errors, there are missing punctuations as well! For this I am truly sorry. It’s just that I am useless with computers. When I proof read it I don’t see the mistakes. You see my brain is very weird, I read it like I think it’s supposed to be and thus can’t see the problems. Sorry guys but bear with me until I either get better or get an editor. I don’t see the second option happening as I’m broke so we’ll all have to wait for my brain to improve.
You must have realized by now that I talk about my brain in third person. According to me it’s a whole other unit of system and sometimes I cannot comprehend its ways. So at those times I call it ‘my brain’. I think it’s a way of not taking responsibility for my own behavior (confession) and thoughts. I can’t understand how it can feel bad about saying no to people who have hurt me in the past, answering back to horrible teacher, being me and other stupid things. I just don’t get it. I explain weird ideas by calling it the weird functioning of ‘my brain’. The other day heck and ka called me to meet them right before my paper. Background story: heck is my ex and ka was my friend and they started seeing each other right after my break up. There is more to this but I can’t get into all of that right now. So see they called me I said no and started feeling bad. I can’t ever say no to people and I have this crazy need to be nice all the time. I am getting over it now but it is there. I spent one hour on the phone with coco and she tried to make me feel better and talked me out of the idea of apologizing to them. So at the end thanks to my idiotic brain (I am doing it again) and the way it works I felt bad and I wasted an hour before an exam. The other day my uncle was talking to us and he said we should try and observe ourselves when the mind is engaged in unnecessary thoughts. I did that and realized it was two things first that I cannot have people disliking me. Why? I don’t know I have to be Freudian about it and since I can’t do that think I knowing is enough. Second is that I was definitely trying to divert my mind from studies. So I figured that since the first one is important I have a problem and I need to change. Change will happen in its own time but at least I know. Knowledge is the key, and now it’s in my hands to change and not be worried about stupid things. For some people its fine to feel bad but for some others it best to be indifferent. I learnt my lesson the hard way since this is not the first time this has happened and I hope to remember it. You see I keep learning and forgetting. My brain has short term memory loss issues (and again). I know this has not been a fun post like most others but sometimes life is not all fun either. There are times we need to introspect, understand ourselves and most importantly have the courage to recognize our flaws. Once this is done half the battle of life is won and things begin to change in their own.
So guys look, observe and be ready to see some not-so-nice things in yourselves, accept them and your sorted. P.s: I am going to keep talking about ‘my brain’ like this since its fun: P, but I know the reasons behind it and I still choose to use it. So go and meet your brains and see what you find. J
My brain says,